i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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