Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
