turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
