I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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