we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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