but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
