i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
