Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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