Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize