Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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