If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
