I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
