No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
