Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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