The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
