I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
