I saw his package. It spoke to me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
