I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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