Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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