Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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