oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
