I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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