whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
