wat bout pragnant strippers??
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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