Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
