just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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