How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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