A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
