so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
