tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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