you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
