Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
love makes seman taste better
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
