Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
But theres a keg here and me gusta
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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