I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
