I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this boner is exhausting
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
