beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.