I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader