She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.