physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
being pregnant is like rehab
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last