Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Duck Duck Cougar?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car