Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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