just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You smell like stripper and shame
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
