i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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