Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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