and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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