Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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