my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
