Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
