Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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