I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
