After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You made out with two different species that night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
