new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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