I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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