I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
