My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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