She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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