I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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