Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Shame is for Republicans.
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