I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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