You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
