By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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