We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
