i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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