first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
