I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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