Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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