you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
