Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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