I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
