Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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