and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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