her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
