Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
