it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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