sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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