I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
