Moan for me like Helen Keller
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
