I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
