quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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